Drowning in my own bitterness

I hate being bitter, and even worse, I hate admitting that I am bitter.  I'm not sure how I got here, but here I am wallowing in my own bitterness.   Yesterday, I went to the local colllege to register for the 4 classes I need to get into nursing school and low and behold they are ALL full until January!  JANUARY!  Are you kidding me?  I wanted to be applying for the nursing program by then!  I'm driving away and cursing life...not God.....life!  I just wonder if some people are destined to struggle their whole lives.  Me and Jaime work hard, we value what we have, which isn't much...but it seems we are forever plagued with bad luck.  It is too much to ask to just have a good few months. 

I wanna throw my hands in the hair and quit.  I have been applying everywhere trying to find a  job and I get no calls.  A four year degree and I can't even get a job at wal-mart, starbucks, toys r us.  Huh!  I thought I was humbling myself by applying for those jobs.  Never would have imagined I could be humbled even more by seeing the email that says " unfortunately you don't meet our qualifications for the position you have applied!"  OK SO WHAT ARE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS?????  Maybe I should just omit the fact that I graduated college...idk!

I have always been grateful at least that my family is healthy, but now I can't even really say that!  McKenna is doing well, but she is not what I would consider healthy.  She has a terminal illness!!!!  I hate to ask if things can get worse cuz I know they can.  And please bare with me because like I said, I am bitter.  I would think I deserve to be bitter, but I don't really.  There are people who have it a lot worse.  Its a lack of faith on my part.  I know it is, but  I can't seem to find it anymore.  My faith is wavering and I don't know what to do about it.  Last week I didn't even want to go to church (that never happens).  I CAN'T grow away from my God, I just can't.  He never changes, He is constant...but I am having a hard time seeing where I belong in His will for my life! Please pray for me, I need something, soon.